Jessica Simpson must be on a mission to have no guy on Earth interested her. Besides subsisting on a diet of only fried foods, she now admits she doe...
Jessica Simpson must be on a mission to have no guy on Earth interested her. Besides subsisting on a diet of only fried foods, she now admits she doesn’t brush her teeth. From Us:
“I just use Listerine — and sometimes I’ll use my sweater,” she claimed, bursting into laughter.
“I do brush every now and again, but my teeth are extremely powerful. Fine, maybe when I’m 60 I’ll all, “ow!”
The singer adds that she loves “anything fried,” and that her nutrition habits weren’t always the best. “Growing up in Texas for me, fish was a fish stick. We weren’t really the healthiest of people. [My mom] didn’t force me to eat healthy.”
Use her sweater? What does she do? Rub it across her teeth like she was polishing a mirror? I don’t see how that even makes sense. No wonder guys always leave her. She basically described her mouth as Paris Hilton’s vagina.
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I’d like to apologize to Mickey Rourke for breaking his arm in that arm wrestling match. I… I didn’t know my own strength. But I did warn him. You can’t holster these guns! Pew! Pew! Pew! Wait, those are lasers. Boom! Boom! Boom! Yea. That’s better.
Lindsay Lohan left her hotel in Paris yesterday and that hat didn’t do her any favors. She looks like Pete Doherty minus the sores. What else isn’t doing her any favors? That second chin. She should at least dress it up. Put a little bow tie on it. Anything fancy would have been good.
Modern Family’s Jesse Tyler Ferguson is also Hawaii. There’s nothing particularly interesting about these. I just wanted to put up the header pic to see if any of you guys can photoshop a frisbee or something in there. Maybe even a flying squirrel. He looks so happy. I feel like he should get some type of treat.
Sarah Hyland, one of the stars of Modern Family, is in Hawaii filming. Here she is romping around the beach with her boyfriend Matt Prokob.
I appreciate the effort and all, but this chick looks like she’s 12 (she’s 19). Consequently, if you’re curious about her boyfriend Matt Prokob, his info should be easy to find on the web. I suggest you start with meganslaw.ca.gov.
The new music video for Lady Gaga’s “Telephone” was just released. Some thoughts:
1. Did Gaga just wear sunglasses made out of burning cigarettes? Yes, yes she did. Won’t someone please think of the children?
2. Is this a god damn movie? 9 minutes long for what seems like a 2 minute song? That’s ridiculous. I’d rather have sex with a mouse trap than watch this again.
3. Lady Gaga doesn’t have a penis. Glad that blurred out circle around her vagina settled that.
4. None of this makes sense. It feels like I just watched a David Lynch movie. Why did Tyrese die? Because he wanted Beyonce’s honey? Huh?
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Despite wild speculation of Scientologists prepping her womb, maternity attire and a suspicious visit to the doctor’s office, reps for Katie Holmes say she isn’t pregnant. Obviously Tom Cruise is still traumatized from the first time he had to put his penis in her vagina.
Babies are kind of lame. They stay inside of you for 8 or 9 months and don’t even have the decency to clean up after themselves when they come out leaving your body a tattered mess.
Kendra Wilkinson knows this all too well. Kendra, who just had her baby Hank, said her post-pregnancy body was a “culture shock”, meaning, she was no longer as hot as her Playboy girlfriends. She even went into a bit of depression because of it.
“I had my friends over, and it was bad timing,” Kendra, 24, tells Us. “They were really hot and had really nice bodies,” she says of her visitors, which included former Girls Next Door costar Holly Madison and Playboy model Tiffany Fallon.
“I was just hoping Hank didn’t look at them! Having a different body was such a culture shock. I’m so used to being hot and fit.” Although “it wasn’t that extreme,” the reality star says, “I did go through some depression.”
Of course Hank stared at Holly and Tiffany’s bodies. Why wouldn’t he? Kendra looks like she was injected with marshmallows. As long as Hank didn’t look at them and then look back at Kendra and then shake his head, it should be fine. If there was ever a case for young, hot girls in their prime to not get pregnant, it’s this.
[Images: Fame, INF]
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The LA County Coroner’s Office told Corey Haim’s mother that he died of pulmonary congestion and that he also had an enlarged heart. Basically, a combination of fluid in the lungs and caring too much killed Corey. That’s why I don’t do that. Care. It’s dangerous, man!
While four prescription bottles were taken from his room, the coroner couldn’t confirm whether or not they were in his system. The final report will come some weeks later after the toxicology report is done.
Katherine Heigl, that ungrateful ass, hasn’t returned to the set of Grey’s despite her three month maternity leave ending on March 1.
News is Heigl wants to focus on her acting career because all those romantic comedies have done oh so well. EW reports series creator Shonda Rhimes has agreed to release Heigl from her contract and all that needs to be done now is hash out an exit deal.
I think a good exit deal would be too kick her in the ass and tell her not to let the door hit her on the way out. And then make sure the door hits her on the way out.
Expect tabloids tomorrow to run these photos next to the headline “Aniston and Butler Back On!” Then two days later run a story about how Butler was hooking up with two blonde chicks at a club. Then they’ll say how devastated Aniston is. Then Aniston will say, “What the hell are you talking about? This never happened.” Then she’ll go home and cry. The end.
[Images: Bauer-Griffin]
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As long as we’re stuck with Audrina Patridge and the rest of The Hills gang we might as well make the best of it. Which is what FHM UK said to themselves when they gave Audrina two options: Become irrelevant or put her ass in a bikini and let them take pictures. The option Audrina went with may surprise you!
After 5 years of modeling for Sports Illustrated, Brooklyn Decker, 22, finally made it to the cover of the swimsuit edition. She says “It’s shocking and a dream come true” and that she’s nervous about the publicity that comes with it. Before appearing on The Late Show with David Letterman, Decker said, “I’ve never been on one! I’m kind of freaking out. I’ve done news shows, but I’ve never done a big talk show.”
To help calm her nerves, we should give her a mild sedative and then take her to my place. To rest. Also, we should surprise her with this sedative. You know, to make sure she doesn’t see it coming. I don’t want to bore you with the scientific details about why this method is best. Just trust me on this one.
Asked if her husband Andy Roddick would be jealous that everyone is going to be whacking it to her real soon, Decker responded: “No. He’s so proud. I think this gives him a one-up in the locker room for the next year or so.”
I hope by “one-up” she doesn’t mean erection. Because that could get real awkward in the locker room.
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Here’s Lady Gaga’s other outfit she wore to the Grammys. Celine Dion even took a picture with her like you would with those people dressed in costume at Disneyland or a kid in the cancer ward.
Up top Lady Gaga and her friend are wondering why people are laughing at her. Well, obviously it’s because she’s drinking tea at the wrong time. Idiot.
Here’s the requisite Lady Gaga at the Grammys post. Last night she did a duet with Elton John (video via Dlisted) and it was all very interesting. I’m lying of course. The only interesting thing about the performance was Elton John’s earring. Is that Saturn orbiting his earlobe? Gaga showed up wearing something similar. I have no idea what this all means. Was this the beginning of a plan to enslave the human race? Probably not, but I think we should kill her just to make sure.
Today is the day we all go kill a turkey and give native Americans infected blankets. It’s tradition. I’ll be back either Friday or Monday depending on if the sun and moon align. Meanwhile, here are a few things I’m thankful for.
1. George Washington defeating Mechagodzilla to bring us Thanksgiving
2. This cold I suddenly got overnight
3. Genetically enhanced corn
4. The awesome people who visit this site
5. My sexiness
6. Ashley Greene
How are you this moment? I hope fine,I will really like to have a good relationship with you, and I have a special reason why I decided to contact you. please contact me via email (beatrizkhalifa86@yahoo.com) I will expect from you soon.
Katie Holmes pissed off an entire theater of hormonal teenage girls when she and her girlfriends talked incessantly throughout a screening of New Moon.
“Katie came into the movie theater with two of her girlfriends in a great mood,” sources tell Fox411. “They bought tickets in advance to see ‘New Moon’ like all the rest of the Twihards. They checked out the snacks and then they took their seats and kept talking.”
All that would have seemed rather normal, except for the fact that they kept on gabbing throughout the entire film!
“Katie talked through all of ‘New Moon.’ It was unbelievable – they talked nonstop about the movie and everything else. Some people wanted to tell them to be quiet, but when they realized who it was, they stayed silent. No one wanted to shush Katie.”
I hate it when people do this during movies. It pisses me off. Like, this one time I was watching Blue Crush and the family behind me kept on saying “ugh”, “don’t look, kids” or “put your pants on”. Suffice to say, I could barely maintain my erection much less finish masturbating.
How are you this moment? I hope fine,I will really like to have a good relationship with you, and I have a special reason why I decided to contact you. please contact me via email (beatrizkhalifa86@yahoo.com) I will expect from you soon.
How are you this moment? I hope fine,I will really like to have a good relationship with you, and I have a special reason why I decided to contact you. please contact me via email (beatrizkhalifa86@yahoo.com) I will expect from you soon.
" Dearest one,
How are you this moment? I hope... "
Brace yourselves. The Pussycat Dolls may be breaking up . None of the members are speaking to Nicole Sherzinger who they think stole the limelight a...
Brace yourselves. The Pussycat Dolls may be breaking up. None of the members are speaking to Nicole Sherzinger who they think stole the limelight and went off to do her own solo album. Interscope says it’s just a break.
“It is war. They have broken up for good. None of the other girls are speaking to Nicole, who they believe took the limelight, then went off to do her own thing.” Kimberly Wyatt recently revealed she hadn’t heard from Sherzinger, who’s now working on a solo career, in months.
This will no doubt send shock waves through the music industry. Where else will we find five mildly attractive women to dance proactively while dressed up in skanky outfits and lip sync to poppy studio manufactured songs? It’s not like you can just get these people off the street.
How are you this moment? I hope fine,I will really like to have a good relationship with you, and I have a special reason why I decided to contact you. please contact me via email (beatrizkhalifa86@yahoo.com) I will expect from you soon.
Rihanna was running late for her performance on Good Morning America and she didn’t have time to change the zipper on the back of her dress which she said busted because she was too fat.
“My dress! I’m a little too fat right now. The zip busted in the back. They’re like, ‘You’re a minute late!’
“I wanted to stitch it up but I couldn’t.”
When Kelly Clarkson heard this, her lower lip quivered and, voice shaking, asked, “That’s fat?”
How are you this moment? I hope fine,I will really like to have a good relationship with you, and I have a special reason why I decided to contact you. please contact me via email (beatrizkhalifa86@yahoo.com) I will expect from you soon.
" Dearest one,
How are you this moment? I hope... "
Because $4.5 million far outweighs the fact that Roman Polanski raped (but not rape-raped) a 13-year-old girl 32 years ago, Swiss courts have approv...
Because $4.5 million far outweighs the fact that Roman Polanski raped (but not rape-raped) a 13-year-old girl 32 years ago, Swiss courts have approved his bail offer. He is to be released from prison and moved to a Swiss chalet where he’ll be electronically monitored.
The Swiss Justice Ministry will keep Polanski in jail until they decide whether or not to appeal the decision. They have 10 days to do so. The court still considers Polanski a high flight risk, but for that kind of money, they’d punch their own mothers in the stomach.
Sure, Polanski fled on the eve of his sentencing and has lived in exile like a king for the past three decades, but I think he’s changed. No way he’ll take off his electronic monitor and run again. I mean, jail is not much different than the mansions he’s used to. The only difference is the butler’s beat you with batons and your house guests like to corner and rape you.
How are you this moment? I hope fine,I will really like to have a good relationship with you, and I have a special reason why I decided to contact you. please contact me via email (beatrizkhalifa86@yahoo.com) I will expect from you soon.
Movieline peered into Courtney Love’s Facebook only to discover that she’s still crazy and now that she’s not limited to 140 characters, people can see the full magnitude of her insanity. Her latest rant is about Edward Norton and Britney Spears. She says something about Norton not being in her will and Britney’s dad molesting her. This should be good.
IF something happens to me, NO my will is NOT at Greenberg Glusker, that will is FORGERY…i created a new one per lISA FERGUSONs attorney who cannot be FOUND but that needs altering as it has Edward in it and Norton doesn’t have a CLUE how evil his own BM is he wont fuck a future Senator/Film Actor but hell purposfully refinance Kim Cobains Property i bought her cash outright, for the 12th time using a phony address due to some fuck up on some Bogus “ART FORM OF THE CH 13” R TODD used, leavng KIM COBAINS PROPERTY REPOS…SESED< “you have an hour to get your things” wtf did Kim Cobain do to YOU… so its best to never tell let alone kiss and trell i m shcoked at myself i never kiss and tell unless im really mad at an ex for like LOSING 300,000$ of my kid hes supposed to be paternal abouts money, oh yeah Norton just LOST 300k
britneys dad molested her , imagine the father that molested you owning you for slavery while your forced to sing songs picked for thier sexual content every night, insane right? i have it on First had authority, and fight as hard as she is and does she still didnt pull that card, its a pride thing i can relate to, However they want to play dirty, lets go, Im SO not affraid of the little trolls who hit this when i was fucked up who are called lawyers. lets GO.
You hear that? Courtney has it on “first had authority” and she’s not afraid of no lawyer trolls. Wait, what? Did everyone just look around the room trying to find an exit? Because Courtney’s brain already found it and left.
How are you this moment? I hope fine,I will really like to have a good relationship with you, and I have a special reason why I decided to contact you. please contact me via email (beatrizkhalifa86@yahoo.com) I will expect from you soon.
This picture of Beyonce getting out of a car is a week old and was in lower quality which is why it wasn’t posted. Originally it was thought it was a Britney Spears type upskirt. But now that its in HQ and maybe even UHQ, it’s clear it’s just her legs making a crease. What an exciting story. Click here for the uncensored version. Larger version over here.
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How are you this moment? I hope fine,I will really like to have a good relationship with you, and I have a special reason why I decided to contact you. please contact me via email (beatrizkhalifa86@yahoo.com) I will expect from you soon.
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